My 16th birthday I invited all the girls I cheered with to come to church with me (none of them did). My 19th birthday was spent at a club in downtown Dallas drinking in the bathroom stall since we weren’t old enough to actually get drinks at the bar. My 22nd birthday I had a party at my house (which I was sharing with 4 other girls). Over 200 people showed up throughout the night and I ended up calling the cops on my own party. Then my 23rd birthday I spent sitting on a cushioned booth at On the Border with my parents and a 5 day old baby. In one year, my life took a complete turn. At that time I thought this was the worst thing in the world. I had been living this crazy life filled with alcohol and partying and then I had a baby. But what I didn’t realize that having a baby was the best thing that ever happened to me.
After high school I struggled to get my life in order. I would try college. I would do well for a while, then I would find other things that I felt were more important and end up just not going to classes. I eventually decided that taking as little classes as possible each semester was best for me. It would appease my parents but I could still work and party all at the same time. I worked in the restaurant/bar industry. Late nights plus working with alcohol became an issue for me. I would occasionally take xanax or pain pills but mostly my vice was alcohol. I never dabbled in much else. But partying started taking over my life. At that time I thought it’s what all 21 year olds did. I would avoid my dad, mostly because if he was calling it’s because I didn’t make my car payment. I would call into work and i quit going to classes. I had no future plans for anything. Then, God decided to plan my future for me.
Soon after getting pregnant I quickly realized I was going to do this thing on my own. I had no money and i had to move back in with my parents. I was so terrified of what was going on, but I knew this was happening for a reason ( I am a firm believer that EVERYTHING happens for a reason). The second that my daughter was born I knew that my purpose for living was to be a mother. The high that having a child gives you is better than any drug or drink on the planet. Being a mother fills a part of your heart that was once empty. The idea I once had of this being the worst thing to ever happen to me had vanished. I knew right then that this little person was my angel sent here to save my life.
I’m not saying that after having her life was a breeze and things just went smoothly. In fact, it was the opposite. I found myself struggling with finances (FYI: start planning for the financial burden of daycare NOW. Even if you don’t have kids, start planning now!). Baby daddy drama was always something I was dealing with and self care went out the window. But I would not trade anything in this world for this child.
I write this today because I need to brag on my love for a second. My daughter has a little friend at school that doesn’t have a whole lot. Every year on her birthday she gets one gift, no cake, no party, just the one gift. My daughter decided to spend her own money and go to 5 Below and get her a whole goody bag worth of stuff. This morning as I’m driving her to school I let her know how kind she was for doing that. Her response was ” I always have the best birthdays and it makes me feel so loved and happy. I just think that everyone should feel like that on their birthday.” I couldn’t help but tear up. She got out of the car and I thought back when I thought that having a baby was such a horrible thing. And here she is 12 years later teaching me to. She’s is showing the world that a big heart and a bright smile can change so much. She is not stingy with her love. She is out there changing lives. I realized that she was put here to save me. To save my sad heart and my broken soul. She has changed my life for the better. I guess sometimes God knows what best for you even if you may not agree at that time. As cliche as it is, sometimes you have to let God just do his thing in your life and watch the light soar through your life. I am eternally grateful for all the mistakes I made to lead me to my daughter.