The last couple of weeks have been rough. With working extra hours, my daughter having so many events throughout the week, parent meetings and her social life (definitely not mine) I feel like I’ve been running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off. I can’t seem to catch up on laundry. Even when I do have some down time for laundry, I choose to spend my time doing absolutely nothing instead. Over the last several weeks I’ve been losing a grip on my sanity. I don’t know what stresses me out more: the busy schedules or the mundane consistency that seems sometimes like a record on repeat. I enjoy a mixup sometimes, in fact I welcome change on occasion. It gives excitement to the humdrum everyday events. But changing things isn’t always an option. Sometimes, the only acceptable change is to change your mindset on how you are looking/ listening to things. Yes, listening… I’ve realized over time that you can quickly change where you are mentally and how you feel with just a little music.
Music can take you back to a place that you miss. It can take you back to your childhood. It can take make you feel sad and defenseless or strong and empowered. Music can make you feel the love of another person or even the love of God. Music is magical. I started loving music at a young age. I do not play any instruments, not can I sing, but my grandmother played the piano. Every morning that’s how she would wake me up. She would play something so beautiful as a “good morning” song. My favorite was always “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”. I knew at an early age that music would play a huge role in my life.
Over the last several days I’ve really been in tune with the music I have been listening to. I’ve been feeling it a little bit more than usual. Yesterday though I actually felt the music in my soul. The words in a song can resonate so deeply that it brings about physical reactions. Yesterday at church we sang a song and for some reason I started crying. It was almost as if I felt the Holy Spirit in me and my heart was so full I couldn’t help but cry. Honestly, I couldn’t even explain the emotion that it was. All I know is that it was beautiful! That feeling stayed with me even after I left. It brought a feeling to my heart that I had not felt in so long.
After the events of the long Easter Day my daughter and I relaxed by watching the new Beyonce “Homecoming” special. If you haven’t seen it yet… WATCH IT!! The special is so soulful and you can tell was made with love. And, again, watching her sing and listening to the beauty of her voice, I started crying. I’d like to blame these emotions on “that time of the month” but it ain’t that time yet. I don’t know what has come over me, but I think I love it. I always feel like I have to build these walls and not let anything past. I’m always protecting my daughter and myself. When I get so absorbed in the music I feel like it’s ok to let go. The music makes me feel vulnerable in a good way.
My daughter and I have had so many dance parties that have ended in sleepless nights of laughter and joy. My boyfriend and I have had fun nights at the local country bars two steppin our little hearts out ( I am still waiting on that first dance as Mr. and Mrs. but that’s a story for another day). I spent so many years as a little girl dancing on the toes of my daddy’s shoes. And my friends and I belt out endless karaoke songs every time we are together. Music has so much significance in my life. It has kept me sane all of these years. Every night there are certain things that I pray for. I pray for protection of my family. I pray to wake up in the morning. And I pray to have peace in my heart. I think music is God’s way of giving me a little bit of peace, even if it is just for a few minutes.