I’m a quitter! If there is a chance I will fail or lose I quit. I HATE losing and I LOVE to win! I am a sore winner and a worse loser… I’m one of those people that if my team is losing I will turn off the TV instead of cheering them on to win. If I am in the middle of a task and I can’t see “the light at the end of the tunnel”…. I quit. I do NOT play sports that I am not good at because I don’t want to fail. If I am in the middle of an argument and I am clearly at a disadvantage… I will run. Obviously, this is some type of childhood issue that I probably should have gotten therapy for years ago, but I probably would’ve quit going… so what’s the point. I know this is a huge flaw of mine. But as I’ve gotten older it’s become one of those flaws that bothers me more and more. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve realized all the things I might have been successful at or maybe it’s because it’s something I don’t want rubbing off on my daughter. I want her to try at anything and fail sometimes. It’s part of life and you learn and become better at life because of failure. As I get older I have more of a desire to work on the things that I dislike about myself. I want to go outside of my comfort zone and be better. So I have mad a point to try new things and NOT quit even though I may not be any good.
My boyfriend is well aware of the fact that I quit things that I am not comfortable with. He knows I am extremely competitive and I want to win at everything. So when it comes to new things he has to preface them with “you can’t quit”. Yesterday was one of those new things that he had to warn me about. I had been wanting to play golf for years. It’s always been on my bucket list to make that a hobby. I can’t really explain why. It’s just an intriguing sport to me. Anyway, I never played because I knew I wouldn’t be good at it. It’s a sport that requires a lot of technique and patience. Lack of patience if one of those flaws I need to work, because I have zero patience when it comes to learning new things… I guess I feel like it should just come naturally. Horrible mentality to have, I know! I think this is partially why I get so much anxieties over the future. It’s hard for my brain to understand that I can’t control everything. So we finally set up a tee time. I was already a little apprehensive because it was an 8:15 tee time on a Sunday and it was 42 degrees outside. I rented clubs and hopped on a golf cart. Cold and angry (I hadn’t had coffee yet) I was very anxious to start this new adventure. Before starting I was reminded repeatedly that I am going to finish all 18 holes no matter how long it takes me.
Hole 1… standing there holding a club, I was already defeated. My natural stance was like holding a baseball bat. I knew I could crush the golf ball if you pitched it to me and let me swing. But, unfortunately, that’s not how this sport was played. My boyfriend, very patiently, taught me the correct stance. Holy crap, it’s so uncomfortable! My hands are weird. My feet need to stay put and I need to utilize my hips. The complete opposite of batting. After a few practice swings I stood up to the plate… I mean tee. Swing 1… missed it. Swing 2… strike 2. WTF?! This already sucks and I haven’t even touched the ball yet. Swing 3…. I got it! I actually got it! But before I had any time to celebrate I realized the ball had gone 100 degrees to the right and landed in someone’s backyard. I QUIT!! I QUIT!! I QUIT!!! Dumbest sport ever! I suck… I’m never doing this again! Honestly, I don’t know what I was expecting. To hit a hole in one on my first try?? As I mumbled “I quit” under my breath, my boyfriend reminded me that I have 17 holes let to go.
Hole 2… I was mad. There’s no way I could do this again. All of the advice my boyfriend was giving me was going in one ear and out the other. I knew no matter what I did I would still suck… But somewhere in the midst of my anger a little voice in my head reminded me that if I quit I will never be successful. I can’t keep quitting. I need to stop feeling defeated and keep going. I slowed down. I closed my eyes for a second and actually listened to what he was telling me. I made some adjustments to my batter’s stance and took a swing. As small of a step as this was, it was huge to me… I kept going. Each hole was a new learning experience for me. I played all 18 holes! I might’ve been at a par 200, but I never quit.
Golf is truly a beautiful sport. There’s so much technique and calmness to it. Plus, the scenery is amazing. I never would’ve known this if I hadn’t tried. If I had let me anxieties get the best of me, I wouldn’t have learned new things. I know this seems like some cheesy, motivational story about overcoming your fears and be a better you… but it kind of is. I want more for myself. I want to win more. I want to be more successful in life. I deserve that. I want my daughter to know that she may fail sometimes but that shouldn’t stop her from achieving her goals. And she will only learn that if I am a good example for her. Life is going to throw you curve balls and you’re not going to hit a homerun, or a hole in 1, every time… but you can’t ever win if you quit.